loose change

yesterday was an emotional day.

through the wonders of technology, i have been introduced to Skype. the handy dandy little video-chat website that allows people to see each other and talk via web cam. it rocks, and its addicting. i love it. but i never thought it would be as hard at it is. not technically hard, but seeing my friends together to talk to me broke my heart. two nights ago, i had a 9 way chat, and i was trying so hard to keep from crying...i miss laying on my friend's bed and just talking, or hanging out at the coffee shop to visit people. yes, having the web cam makes it about a million times easier to leave-it seems like i'm right there. talking face to face. phone calls just don't compare. i love it.

but i've been a wreck lately. EVERYTHING reminds me of home. and i never was a cryer. i didn't cry my first night away from home, i didn't cry talking to my friends on the phone, i didn't cry period. ever. but in the past two days, i've cried more than i have in a year. why? who knows. but driving along in the car and listening to what i thought would be "pump up" music, but turned in to gut-wrenching tear fest for my mom seems to be happening a lot. i was listening to the Mamma Mia! soundtrack...i love that movie, and its so upbeat and fun, i thought it would put me in a good mood. but the song "slipping through my fingers" turned me into a blubbery mess. don't know what i'm talking about? check it out here. (watch that clip without crying...i dare ya!). seconds after the song ended, i had to walk up to the guy who sold me my car and whimper out a request for my car matts. he probably thought i was insane.

my mom called me yesterday, and i lost it on the phone. all of the emotions came pouring out and i know it sounded like what she was talking to me about put me in a terrible mood, but i guess i just realized everything at that moment.

change is inevitable. and it sucks. but its life. i've been accused of changing, but i guess i've just been accepting. i was the first to leave home, and i don't think my friends realized that it was hard for them to say goodbye to one friend...but i had to say goodbye to everyone at the same time. i don't know why it didn't really affect me then, but i'm feeling the emotion now. but i don't have anyone to share it with.

i'm not throwing myself a pity party. this is just a stage i'll have to learn from and come out of a better person. i just wish it wasn't so hard.

so, long story short, i miss home. what else is new? there have been beyond amazing things happening in my new home, but i'll write about those later. im in a nostalgic mood, and i needed to express it. now i need to dry off my tear-stained keyboard. hm. oh well.

my best friends...minus a few important ones :)